No Place to Lay my Head

“Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened for you” Mt. 7:7

The first time I came to India was for fun, pleasure, adventure and to encounter the vast culture and people of India. It was also a time of a collapsed Catholic faith even, yes, apostasy. I have done just about everything in my life: elephant riding in the jungles of Thailand, slow boating down the Mekong in Laos, island hopping in Greece, skiing, surfing the oceans in California, received a fine education and masters in social work.

But, had also been abused me as a child which caused great bouts of depression, anger and continuous disturbances in my life to the extent that it would keep collapsing.

I tried everything to get over these psychological problems–psychologists, psychiatrists, pills, therapies, New Age activities in the very sophisticated culture of California. It was only when I began a real search for what was missing in my soul by returning to an upright Christian life that profound things began to happen to me. I had a dream of crucifixion, the understanding that Jesus who suffered and died must also understand my pain.

Then I began to thirst to return to India only this time to look for worship of Jesus in the same very intense way that I saw Indians worship Durga, Sai Baba, Hanoman, etc.

“Certainly in India is the place where they will know the suffering Christ better than anywhere else in the world” I told myself…So I got a position to volunteer as a teacher in a school in Chalakudy, Kerala in the summer of 2003.

“I know the plans I have for you, plans for your welfare and not your destruction” Jer. 29:11

It was then that the Lord brought me to Divine Retreat Centre. I had no idea that this huge Catholic retreat center existed nor what was going on there.

I came to make a little retreat which became the living answer to all of my thirsts, pains and longings.At first I disliked the retreat, it was not like the meditation I had found in India in the past. So much preaching! But by the last day Jesus Christ touched my inner wound in such a way.

I knew that it was by His wounds I was being healed when He poured His love and mercy into the painful, angry hole in my heart.

Father Augustine’s preaching touched me so deeply; it was like the voice of the Heavenly Father calling to new life the prodigal child. I began to believe that, yes, Jesus was going to really make a change in my life if I could only believe it!

“I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly!” Jn. 10:10

I’ll never forget standing alone in my little room telling myself, “I never want to leave this place!!”

The Gospel is preached with power! People are healed, the poor are cared for and my Catholic Faith is alive and well there!

I took the next step and moved out of California to come back to Divine and see where the Lord led me next!